Cunning Kid Pillows

'My parents don't punish me anymore. The last time they did, I hid all the remotes.'

"Just be yourself."

My First Camera

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Hi-yah!"

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

Jr. cloning kit

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Lamb Noise.

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"We have the exact same taste."

'Does sports trivia count as something I learned today?'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"It's a mobile."

Raining

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

I think he knows something that we don't know about the uranium molecule.

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'