Cultured Palates Gifts

"Then again, if we don't move to New York, will we ever be taken seriously as bagels?"

"He's such a fussy eater."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

"Namasteak"

"I don't like to complain, but this cud is a bit overchewed."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"I'll have the carrot cake, hold the carrots."

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

Management Styles - Inclusive

"I'll have the chef."

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

'Free Chen Cuangcheng fortune cookies are here!'

'The Nihilist Deli'

Veggie Hamburgers & Hotdogs. . .Ingredients: vegetables & vegetable byproducts.

"The shell tastes good, but that gooey stuff inside is terrible."

Expensive Restaurant

"I'll fire up the Franklin stove and put in a Ken Burns film. You pick out a nice port from the wine cellar."

New Acquisitions at the Museum of Modern Food

Vegetarian Restaurant.

"I Hate Salad."

"You may not want to read this book but you'll certainly want others to think you've read it."

'The last of the Mohicans'

Two Amateur Artists At Dinner

I asked a lady if she wanted to grab a kale smoothie with me. She totally ignored me. Of course she did. Very few ladies are interested in a guy who latches on to the latest fads. It suggests you've got a roving eye, and you'll leave her for someone new later on. Most women like a man who's "classic." Solid. Reliable. Unmoved by the ever-changing winds. That's why I eat nothing but nuts, berries and hippos. If it was good enough for the cavemen, it's good enough for me. I thought cavemen ate bro

Gilbert and Sullivan

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

'It's the oriental special, inspired by eastern treatment of the insect as a delicacy. Of course there's a fly in your soup.'

I see Marge made size zero at long last.