Culture Vulture Gifts

"He was such a great artist, yet in his own lifetime he never sold a single mug."

"It's National Poetry Month, Marion, and by God we're gonna read some poetry."

'Over London by Rail'- Between Charing Cross and Canon St

'Honey, I fear, to be a European patriot means a little more than having a German beer for breakfast, Italian pizza and French wine for lunch and Spanish brandy for dinner...'

"And coming up on the right is another area ruined by the likes of you."

'Water? Oh, that's good! Hah hah hah! How very droll! No, sorry old man, no water here... This is a CULTURAL oasis!'

Fashion Mag - Totally in - So last season

"This is de ja vu all over again. I lost my shirt at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City."

'...And here's one of the artist's earliest paintings.'

"Gimme a break. Being driven out of Ireland was the best thing that ever happened to you."

Origin of Moai

Chinese New Year of the Tiger.

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

Cultured Pearls

"And, in the ongoing saga of Western civilization, declines continue to lead advances by a wide margin."

'I think it's one of those guided tours.'

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

'It looks messy but it has a certain cachet.'

Stonehenge World heritage site.

David and Goliath

Nelson.

'I can't decide...is he ignoring the smoking ban, or entering into the spirit of the exhibition?'

Greek Tragedy.

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"George, I don't know how you're going to take this, but I've grown tired of modern."

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

Freud.

The vein King of Easter Island is working with a sculptor to unsuccessfully carve another likeness of his head - 'Cmon, my nose isn't that big... and look those huge ears! Let's try it again!'

Artist Retrospective.

Modern Kids.

"Frieze!"

'If this machine isn't out of whack, reading is gong to be even harder than I expected.'

Gallery Guide

"This is some of his early work."