Culture Vulture Pillows

"He was such a great artist, yet in his own lifetime he never sold a single mug."

"It's National Poetry Month, Marion, and by God we're gonna read some poetry."

'Over London by Rail'- Between Charing Cross and Canon St

"And coming up on the right is another area ruined by the likes of you."

'Honey, I fear, to be a European patriot means a little more than having a German beer for breakfast, Italian pizza and French wine for lunch and Spanish brandy for dinner...'

'Water? Oh, that's good! Hah hah hah! How very droll! No, sorry old man, no water here... This is a CULTURAL oasis!'

Fashion Mag - Totally in - So last season

"Gimme a break. Being driven out of Ireland was the best thing that ever happened to you."

'...And here's one of the artist's earliest paintings.'

"This is de ja vu all over again. I lost my shirt at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City."

"And, in the ongoing saga of Western civilization, declines continue to lead advances by a wide margin."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Cultured Pearls

Origin of Moai

'I think it's one of those guided tours.'

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

Chinese New Year of the Tiger.

'It looks messy but it has a certain cachet.'

Stonehenge World heritage site.

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"Frieze!"

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

"George, I don't know how you're going to take this, but I've grown tired of modern."

David and Goliath

Nelson.

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

Artist Retrospective.

Gallery Guide

Freud.

The vein King of Easter Island is working with a sculptor to unsuccessfully carve another likeness of his head - 'Cmon, my nose isn't that big... and look those huge ears! Let's try it again!'

'I can't decide...is he ignoring the smoking ban, or entering into the spirit of the exhibition?'

Modern Kids.

'If this machine isn't out of whack, reading is gong to be even harder than I expected.'

Greek Tragedy.

Huldrych Zwingli (Zwinglianism)