Cultural Replacement Satirist Pillows

"The president has banned the Mexican wave and replaced it with the American wave... Also, empanadas will now only use American jumping-beans."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Art Gallery.

Civilized Salmon

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

Alabama Traffic Jam

Latest Aye Phone

'Secondhand smoke.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Macho Vegetarian

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

"Now on view: Old paintings by dead white men through whenever…"

Matador Artificial Insemination.

Keister Island.

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'I'm really a painter and decorator - I only do this to pay the bills.'

"You idiot! It's all bare walls and Ikea these days."

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Queen's final visit to Australia: 'STrewth! Chack anatha prawn on the barbie Phil..'. Charles 'Apparently, the Aussies insisted on a few conditions..'

"Postmodern irony, right? - the creativity is in the price."

"Hurry, she's starting to play in a minor key!"

"It's an epic saga of a tier 1 girl and a tier 3 boy who fall in love without their families' consent."

" 'Perceptual and kinetic art have an intertwined development that cannot be totally disentangled; nevertheless perceptual, optical, or "virtual" movement—which always exists in tension with factual immobility—is an experience of a different order.' "

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

Max Beerbohm

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."