Culinary Subcontractor T-Shirts

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

Soup of the month.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Garden.

Too much cilantro

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Holiday Supplies

I love Cannelloni

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Please don't kill me."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Cook and her Maids

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Surgeon carving a chicken/turkey.

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

The perfect man

"A little lamb please."

"You're looking remarkably well done today."

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

"Pie chart"

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"I see the businessman's lunch is up 50p."

"You wanted to see the pastry chef, sir."