Culinary Show Lover Pillows

Hand coming out of chandelier pulls cover off waiter's food.

'I sent out for everything.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

A tureen of chefs

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

Mary Berry

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"When did they add this channel?!"

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'We need more cake shows!'

Emeril Lagasse

"I'm sorry about the delay, sir, but Chef's anger management class ran over."

Loyd Grossman

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

"Hurry, dear, it's the Brutal Gourmet."

Chefs

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app