Culinary Minimalist Gifts

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

Soup of the month.

"You've got to admit their outright elimination of the hamburger was a stroke of sheer financial genius!"

Pre-digested convenience foods.

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

'We no longer serve trans-fats. Would you like some lettuce broth?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"My compliments to the can opener."

"Peanut butter sandwich. Instant pudding. TV dinner. Canned soup. This is home-style cooking."

LAY ZEE FUK

(Camel paintings)

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

All Natural Nothing

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

Typewriters and Laptops.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

New from Low-Key Press.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Only a few things are really important, most things are not.

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'Occam's famed tool of parsimony.'

"I recently read 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up'. It's changed my life, minion."

Horn of Plenty.

High Tech/Low Tech.

Those magnificent men and their reading machines.

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."