Culinary Hacker Pillows

'Someone hacked into my food files and added chocolate chips to each recipe. Do you know anything about that?'

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

Canape?

Weird things I do because of the internet

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

In the DNA Kitchen

You're the icing on my cupcake!

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Sweet surprise.

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Fresh pepper?"

"Pie chart"

'Propane ran out.'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"And that is how you handle liver!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

Television company new recruit

'You're a bright young kid...but you gotta understand, no new ideas when the bread is only half baked!!'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."