Culinary Experts T-Shirts

"You're thinking of a different cut, Mrs Sigmond. This piece comes from about here."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Counting ribs

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Full English Breakfast.

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

Baker Romance

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'