Culinary Experimenter Gifts

'Ooops! No got that wrong, those two chemicals should never be mixed...'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Eye of toad, ear of bat and that horrible lumpy bit in the middle of a Pot Noodle."

'I see you're learning from your mistakes again.'

"You've got to try some of this heirloom watermelon. It's full of seeds."

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

101 things to do with lutefisk.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'This old VCR warms a mean bagel.'

'On second thought, cancel that order. I've changed my mind.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Mum's home cooked meals - vending machine.

'No more boiling them in pots. We've got a microwave!'

'Three trout dinners. Raw.'

'What do you want with your charcoal-flavoured fried chicken?'

Police husband tenderising the meat with his riot baton.

"Some days I have no idea what you're doing."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Help yourself

Untested Egg Recipes.

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"Honey, I appreciate the effort, but you're frightening our son."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Not gelato – hummus."

Deep dish bourbon

"Tuna Colada"

Sm. Pepperoni & Mushroom Cloud

From learning how to use an oven to overthrowing the system.

"Home of the 7-Slicer"

"Devil's Brew?"

"Sticky rice is ready to go."

"Ow! Ow! Ow..." "On second thought, I should have made gazpacho."

Deconstructed Street Foods - Pretzel

"Here, let me put some ointment on your bug bite. I made it myself from cayenne powder, licorice root and mugwort leaves blended with that vanilla pudding I made last week. Hmm...it's not here."

'Never mind the size, just catch one.'