Culinary Commander T-Shirts

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

He's in trouble. He's in charge of the mess halls abroad, and there have been lots of complaints that the food is too spicy. He oversees the overseas over-seasoning.

"General Tso and his chicken"

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Soup of the month.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Garden.

Too much cilantro

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

Holiday Supplies

I love Cannelloni

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Kiss the Commander in Chef

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Please don't kill me."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

Culinary surgery.

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

The perfect man

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...