Culinary Clowner Gifts

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I come here for the pepper."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

Am Awful Crammer.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

A man and baby wearing bibs

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."