Culinary Clowner T-Shirts

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"I come here for the pepper."

"We're odd looking but just as good."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Full English Breakfast.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'Pepperoni: Muse of Pizza'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Am Awful Crammer.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Mom said never use that dirty 4-letter word on vacation...DIET."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

A man and baby wearing bibs

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'