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The chef's special is roast goose with glazed pears, prepared while drinking heavily and lashing out at loved ones.

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

'The food put up a fight.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

Man's cooking explodes.

Cafe Burns.

Ten out of ten for effort...

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

Cooking

Disaster in the kitchen.

'You made me jump.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

It's all gravy.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Cooking With Pollock.

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

"Now why would a seagull fly in here and try to establish a rapport with me?"

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).