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'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Man's cooking explodes.

Cafe Burns.

Ten out of ten for effort...

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Anti-inflammation recipes

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

It's all gravy.

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

Cooking

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

Disaster in the kitchen.

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'You made me jump.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Cooking With Pollock.

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Cook au vin

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.