Culinary Calculator T-Shirts

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Bad for you but to die for

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Baker Romance

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Have you been working out?"

How to correctly estimate cooking time

The Inexperienced Cook

People, please listen. I'm talkin 'bout the income gap. The top one percent of Americans get one third of the nation's income, over double what they got in 1980. One-third. The income for the top 0.01% is 196 times the bottom 90%. Your wages have stagnated and the super-duper rich have gotten super-duper richer! How can you possibly swallow your coffee? Because you're making me do math before noon!

"First you make a roux."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Paul Bocuse caricature

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Compliments to the chef - "Thank you very much, but all I did was follow the directions in the cookbook."

Chef makes a cook book.

Not a Creature was Stirring

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

Chef

'I've relaxed, put my feet up - Now, where's that good book you promised me?'

'Let me have 20% fat, 40% carbohydrate, 40% protein and a cup of tea,'

Cooking the books

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."