Caloric Calculator T-Shirts

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'No, I didn't cheat on Bob. It was worse than that. I cheated on my diet.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

All Natural Nothing

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

Secretive Weigh In.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Dieting Motivation.

'Diet considerations.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.