Culinary Calculators T-Shirts

Maths books in the cooking section of a library.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

"Have you been working out?"

The Inexperienced Cook

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

People, please listen. I'm talkin 'bout the income gap. The top one percent of Americans get one third of the nation's income, over double what they got in 1980. One-third. The income for the top 0.01% is 196 times the bottom 90%. Your wages have stagnated and the super-duper rich have gotten super-duper richer! How can you possibly swallow your coffee? Because you're making me do math before noon!

"First you make a roux."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

Chef

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

Not a Creature was Stirring

'I've relaxed, put my feet up - Now, where's that good book you promised me?'

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Compliments to the chef - "Thank you very much, but all I did was follow the directions in the cookbook."

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

Cooking the books

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

"What am I making for dinner tonight?"

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."

Granted. On a picnic I can appreciate the convenience of chopsporks.

Tasty and Healthy Food

'Give me your hand... I ran out of cones.'

Young Professional Recipe Test

"Ok, now I've separated the eggs."