Cue Collector Gifts

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Servicemen.

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Dead Funny

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Milking the Cow.

'It seats two comfortably.'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Mummy?!

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

A Rifle Competition in the North

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Free Range Cows.

'Not another copycat accident?!?! That bloody nursery rhyme's got a lot to answer for.'

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

Count Von Moltke.

"I wonder what this was for."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."