Csi Aficionado Gifts

'Chief, the lab analyzed the keyboard. The suspect smokes, has long fingernails, and eats a whole of of cheese crackers.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

Golfing Boss

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Send in the Clones.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

The circus diver.

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Would you like to try them out?"