Crystal Ball Gazing Gifts

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'See anything in marketing?'

"I see a vague figure of someone groping...groping...groping..Yes, yes, it's coming in more clearly now! It seems to be—yes, it is a man! The man has a briefcase! And some papers! The man is an economist!"

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"You're safe, he's still not coming"

'This card tells me you're a gullible young woman.' 'You're good! That's exactly what I am.'

Fortune Teller.

'What d'you see?!? What d'you see?!?'

'He said my future stinks.'

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Windows or Mac?

"It will be all your fault."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.