Crowd Dodger Pillows

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Bob liked to get away from it all. They all knew it and liked to follow him.

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Private Viewing

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

"Any yet he's always on my case."

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"You should have been here at eight!"

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING