Queue Dodger Pillows

"I can't wait that long."

Sorry out of numbers.

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

"The sigh read, 'Take A Number And Wait.' It didn't specify where I should wait."

"It took me 15 minutes to shop, and thanks to only one cash register being open, it took me 20 minutes to check out. No wonder why people like shopping online."

"Tell me about online banking again. I'm not good at technology, but it's got to be less stressful than this."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

'Do you get the feeling that, in educational workshops, there are way too many buzzwords thrown around?'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'You're going to have to find a way of avoiding those fast serves!'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."