Cross-party Diplomat T-Shirts

Church sign.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

Militant Pacifists

EU

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

'He's a changed man since the heart transplant. It came form a liberal.'

"Trust me, Son, you do not want to 'grow up to be president.' "

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

Liberia is left behind by a car guided by the 'Road Map To Peace'

"Why did you start this war, you lousy, democracy-obsessed Nazi!"

'Heeheehee! My guests will love it!'