Crop Calculator Gifts

'With all due respect for your horoscope, Mr. Jones, the outlook for wheat this year is ... '

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Where the hell's my pocket calculator?"

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

Farmers' Warnings.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

In addition to dusting crops, McWit now rotates them.

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

'Sure, beekeepers bees' pollinate billions of dollars worth of crops every year, but what's their firepower?'

"Next year I'm planting rice instead of potatoes"

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

'... Can Willis come out and calculate formulae?'

A mutant, possibly evil, ear of corn.

"Gonna be a good crop this year."

Decorator Farming

'What? Your Mom and I are gathering as many items as possible to sell for scientific research and you two are here making silly patterns in the corn?'

"According to my calculations, you should float now...I think..."

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

'After two days of intensive calculations I have figures out why your company doesn't make any profit: your expenses are too high. That'll be 4, 785,000 euros, please.'

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."

A Gardener's Calendar: January - This is the most convenient time to work out your plans for the year.

"I've got vertigo."

Hair Raising

"He finds this time of year very stressful."

Record soy bean crop

"You forgot to record what you planted, didn't you?"

'How the hell do they get this shit to snap, crackle and pop?'

'What's sixteen plus nine?' - 'A hundred and sixty nine.'

The Corn Zeppelin