Critique Seeker T-Shirts

Learning curve: 'Your book was crap!'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

Filling the Missile Gap

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

Final words on gravestones.

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

An acceptable level of TV violence.

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

The Real Russian history

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"You'll never believe who's here."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."