Critical Reader T-Shirts

"Writing that book was a real strain."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"I'm having my entrails read."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

The new Physics

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Trivia/Great Literature.

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Idle parts

'Bront?saurus.'

James Joyce.

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'