Critical Reader Pillows

"Writing that book was a real strain."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I'm having my entrails read."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Theodore Dreiser.

Trivia/Great Literature.

Idle parts

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

James Joyce.

'Bront?saurus.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"You'll never believe who's here."