Critical Diner T-Shirts

'I think I'll just leave a hate tip,'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Church Basement Foodie

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer