Cultural Diner T-Shirts

'Sure it's a nuisance to run home for every meal, but it's either that or the Chinese-restaurant syndrome.'

'This isn't the Avenue of Stars - I think you'll find that's a vindaloo.'

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Church Basement Foodie

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'The customer is always right...'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Jewish man walks into a restaurant called 'Oy Sushi'.

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Thanks for the invite: Don't cook anything fancy, I eat pretty much anything...'