Critical Care Enthusiast Pillows

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Little doctor.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

London GPs could become an endangered species.

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

Parts Department

'That's the diagnosis of my diagnostic desktop. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my diagnostic tablet.'

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Get well soon!

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

"Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing on the palate, goes well with cough and cold."

Healthy Patients Only

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Doctors