Critic Connoisseurs T-Shirts

"He's a mental-health critic."

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

'Who's the new guy?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

Trump returns home

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Barbed Pen

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

A politician points in the direction forward while being carried by members of the public.

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

"Fred and Ginger, but of course not the Fred and Ginger."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Crazy Ideas

Comment on food.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'Mahler's 9th?'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.