Critiquing Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Quit judging me."

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Barbed Pen

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"My bouche was not amused."

"He's a mental-health critic."

Film Critic

"It's too academic."

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Crazy Ideas

"See here how his later work shows focus and sense of direction..."

Algernon Swinburne

Comment on food.

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."