Crisis-joker Gifts

"How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Fittd shēt

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

Pole Star

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Prisoner still life painting.

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"So a horse has 6 legs, forelegs at the front and 2 at the back?"

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

Climbing to the moon

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."

Party Schools...

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."