Criminal Justice Gifts

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

"It was WORSE than guilty! - The jury found me NONCOMPLIANT!"

Restorative Justice Victim's Revenge.

'I'll be supervising you...'

"I find in these cases that the best defense is a pack of lies."

When Engineers Crack.

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

"Complaints about your rights being abused have to be put in writing."

'Next time the prosecutor shows you pictures of the crime scene, try not to blurt out, ‘Been there, done that.''

"What with current restrictions on punitive damages, I had no recourse but to shoot the son of a bitch."

'As it turned out, circumstantial evidence was all they needed.'

'Financial planning requires long-term thinking. Especially if you get caught.'

'I won't advise it, but you do have the right to remain silent.'

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"Claiming self-defence was good. Too bad you added, 'She had it coming."

'It doesn't look good! The prosecutor and the jury foreman are high-fiving.'

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'What gets me is that we plea-bargained for all this!'

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'We have a problem.'

'I sentence you to ten years ? thank you for choosing the Fourth District Court.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

'They figure that if they're giving us adult prison sentences they also have to give us adult sized prison garb.'

"This was not in the Audit Plan."

'Very Organised Crime.'

"And that's how I learned the difference between collaborator and co-conspirator."

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'I'm thinking of dropping out of law school.'

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

Police/Ambulance/Attorneys.

Victim Support banner - "My victim hasn't given me any support."

"False alarm. It was just a telemarketer."

"I'm encouraging him to stay in school and go into white-collar crime."