Criminal Investigation Gifts

'Hold it! This cadaver has a footnote.'

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

The Anti-Agent

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"True crime meets reality TV"

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'Then my brother said he'd like to bury the hatchet...'

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

Police man stands guard at a murder scene in Egyptology department of a museum.

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."