Crime Show Bingers Pillows

'I've been grilling him for hours and he hasn't even started to sizzle!'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'There's nothing on.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Star Wars Audience

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

“We thought it was so smart getting the phone out of the bottle, but then it went right for the clickbait.”

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

Wordplay: Me.

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"It's 100% commercials."

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"This is why the doc said to not binge-watch the Eating Channel!"

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

Couch potato.

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

"You seem very remote."

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

Will Smith's Oscar

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

"I don't believe the "Smart TV" is the one always turning to women's beach volleyball."

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

'Not another elimination show!'

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"