Crime Show Bingers Gifts

'I've been grilling him for hours and he hasn't even started to sizzle!'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'There's nothing on.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Star Wars Audience

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

“We thought it was so smart getting the phone out of the bottle, but then it went right for the clickbait.”

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

"It's 100% commercials."

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

Wordplay: Me.

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"This is why the doc said to not binge-watch the Eating Channel!"

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

"I have a great idea. Come up to my place and we'll watch all 13 episodes of House of Cards!"

Couch potato.

'Thanks for tuning in - we'll try to pander to you.'

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

Will Smith's Oscar

"I don't believe the "Smart TV" is the one always turning to women's beach volleyball."

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

"I'm just saying, if you had to turn off the TV, would you still remember how?"

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."