Crime Show Aficionado Gifts

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

'Good news! Some guy stole my identity online. Now he's saddled with my bad credit rating.'

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

Bus driver speaking to police van driver

'A piece of skin from the killer's arm, by jove. Let's go back to the lab, clone it, and identify the murderer when he grows up.'

'Ah, the old good cop, bad cop routine, eh!'

"Quick Edna, your Sidney's on the telly"

'They've gone overboard on this trend.'

Ironside / Iron Oxide.

'They handle only cases we think we can solve in an hour.'

"Good news, it's not groundhog day syndrome, you're just watching endless repeats of Murder She Wrote on ITV 3."

'We're also charging you with talking on your cell phone in your getaway car.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

"Do you have anything without stripes?!"

"The missing twins?"

"So on the night of the murder you claim you were at a lap dancing club with Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard."

'This is your seventh husband who has disappeared without a trace... Boy, you're unlucky...'

"Before I arrest you, could you sign this TV contract?"

"Sometimes our borrowers find themselves underwater."

Mob Misfortune Cookies 'There's a gun pointed at your right now' 'You will take one for the team soon.' 'Leave the gun, take the eggroll.'

'Hurry, I'm allergic to jute!'

"This must be the upscale tough side of town."

'He's been shot!'

'This ain't gonna be easy...' (Drug squad in talcum powder factory).

'RAT HITMAN'. Colour

'He's been pied, Sarge.'

"It's the latest tracking idea, with this on the Guv'nor knows exactly where I am."

'I've tried other careers, but my heart's in grave robbery.'

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

He loves the water.

The Clown Hit

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'