Crime Caper Chuckler Gifts

'So you morons just dumped him in the river without cataloging it?... Damn it, this is supposed to be organized crime.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"The subwoofers really help."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

The Mafia Goes Green.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"I want to report a race crime.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

'Hello, Mum!'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

Cuffwear, 2004