Crime Busting Enthusiast Gifts

'If they kill you we won't get our bonus.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Fish mobsters.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ignorance of the Law

Gangster's To-Do List

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

"The sweet smell of the leaves and the rain make fall such a refreshing time!"

"Another clear case of COVID19."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Was Monty the culprit? Had he fixed a horse race? He couldn't remember.'