Credit Score Critic Pillows

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

'As your banker, I feel I should tell you, the more enlightened you become the more of a credit risk you become.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

U.S. Credit Rating

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Wait a minute....!

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

Recession

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'