Credit Counseling Gifts

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Licensed Therapist

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Try Mediation

'Great Therapy!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Incompatible.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'