Creative Producer Gifts

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Young Frankenstein"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Showbiz Awards

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Meet The Author"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Edgar Allen Poe

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Empty box of ideas

Cut!

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Applause

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."