Creative Presenter Gifts

'Well, I suppose it makes a change from powerpoint presentations...'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Direct Marketing...

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Target your message

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

Wordplay: Export.

"It's been hell since you went into animation."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

Double Saxophone

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'