Crash Test Analyst T-Shirts

"Accelerate forward into that brick wall."

'I don't like being a crash test dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

"You know what's about to happen and you still got in the car. But yet I'm called the dummy."

"I've discovered this is the best type of body type to survive a car crash."

"Back in the day, I did that for a living. . ."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

Computer Controlled Car

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Mash-Test Dummies.

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Alien crash test dummy emerges from downed UFO.

"Unfortunately, what we thought to be the black box turned out to be the navy blue box"

"Seat belts unfastened? Excellent."

Self-driving cars are the future?

'Last year, too many people were killed or injured by automobiles and trucks in the Northwest, many more than were killed or injured by cougars or wolves...'

'Never thought I'd see you again - you really must have nine lives.'

Fire Sprinkler Manufacturing

'I can't understand it. I was driving one way on a one way street.'

"The latest car safety data is in, and it's still really really bad to crash into things."

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

Crash dummy test lab has sign: 1039 days without an injury.

'This industry's going to the wall!'

"Oi! Didn't you see me coming?" (Fortune teller has a car accident.)

'To more closely match reality, all our crash test dummies now hold cellphones.'

"Wow...a new study came out and it says 60% of house fly deaths are from swattings. We may want to consider moving outdoors."

'What's the point of insurance if you don't use it?'

'Oh come on, a little touch up paint and a soft cloth, I can buff that out.'

Lawyer to client about crash test dummy: 'We did a driving record search, and needless to say, we struck gold.'

Crash test dummy - "You f**king idiot! Why didn't you crash into me back there?!"