Crankiness Aficionados Gifts

'It's a shame it took me so long to learn how to just enjoy being p**sed-off.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Agility God

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

Janet Leigh

"You have the Hum bug.'

Books versus TV.

Safe harbour

"You invented a time machine to come back and hit Reply instead of Reply All?"

'It appears she's none of her grandmother's subtlety.'

'These baby teeth are a non-renewable resource rapidly being depleted and should bring more.'

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

Gym Paperboy.

Hard-working.

'You're doing it wrong!'

'Don't worry, Jerry, we have a car. I mean, what animal could keep up with a car?'

'And here's our new and improved version.'

'Go thru the files and get rid of everything that's over ten years old...but make copies!'

WD40

'I am preparing for 2013, and I suggest you do the same.'

'Pop the hood. I think your inverted Republican fiscal flux capacitor is slowing you down.'

Shopping Cart Races

'No, no - he isn't chasing me - we're jogging!'

'I don't care how high he jumps. My name should be on top.'

"The hardest part was training the squirrel."

'How elaborate. Most women who don't want to go out with me just say no.'

'Sorry we're late, we had trouble finding you.'

Washing machine maintenance

Callers of an impatient or grumpy disposition may widh to hang up at this stage.

The last judgement

'Is this high enough?'

Travel Pills.