Craftsmanship Guru T-Shirts

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Arts and crafts

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

D.I.Y

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Whittler's Mother.

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Multitool Knife

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

Posh Easter Egg

"She's a natural!"

The Sculptor

Luthier

'I had a cough at the time!'

"I hear you've got friends in high places...?"

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

Little boy blows a larger bubble than glass blower can.

Nick Offerman

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

"Bob's a tool belt."

Raw Piano Bar

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"It's all locally-sourced, made from scratch."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Kenny's mom always made his lunch.

'Do you think we can blame it on El Nino?'