Craft Brew Connoisseur Pillows

'Come to our microbrew party. It's B.Y.O.B. Bring Your Own Brewery.'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Best Before 5th Pint.

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

You said you wanted beer with hops !

"Scotch and water musick."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Bottle Distillery

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'You've had enough!'

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

"What'll ya have?"

'Malty tasking.'

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

Micro-Brewed Brain Beer

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

Ernie is a master brewer! He's highly skilled in every phase of the beer-making process! Business is booming at our craft beer pub! Ernie, are those ladies old enough to buy beer? I didn't ask for I.D. I didn't want to violate the no "dating" the customers policy. Ernie is an absolute genius about beer, but lacks common sense about everything else! (Published originally on Nov. 8, 2015.)

The bigger they are, the harder they fall, but then the turbulence gets you!